Where is this going? I’ll tell you. My part in the reunion was to provide a soundtrack, background music, whatever you want to call it. And so I did. I sat for hours Thursday night (Thanksgiving) browsing the iTunes essentials from 1996-1999 looking for the crappiest music I could find–and I found some crappy music. It was my masterpiece, my Pet Sounds. Honestly, it was pretty easy, since I grew up in the early stages of Alternative Rock. So please review this list. I know everyone will have opinions on what I should or should not have included, and it’s not all terrible, but most of it is. See if this isn’t the perfect playlist for my generation–the people who attended high school from 1996 to 2000. The music that shaped us turned out to be, generally, pretty terrible. Also note I did not include my class song Please Remember Me by Tim McGraw. I just couldn’t do it.

Here it is folks in random order. Enjoy.

Ironic - Alanis Morisette
Song 2 – Blur
Father of Mine – Everclear
Ya Mama – Fatboy Slim
Criminal - Fiona Apple
3 A. M. – Matchbox 20
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
Stranded – Plumb
Sell Out – Reel Big Fish
Walkin’ on the Sun – Smash Mouth
Two Princes - Spin Doctors
What I Got – Sublime
Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt
The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe
One Headlight – The Wallflowers
Where It’s At – Beck
Un-Break my Heart – Toni Braxton
How Bizarre - OMC
MyBabyDaddy – B-Rock and the Bizz
Barbie Girl – Aqua
I Believe I Can Fly – R. Kelly
Good Riddance – Green Day
I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing – Aerosmith
Rockafeller Skank – Fatboy Slim
MMMBop - Hanson
One Week – Barenaked Ladies
Sex and Candy - Marcy’s Playground
The Way – Fastball
Larger Than Life - Backstreet Boys
My Maria – Brooks & Dunn
Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer
This Kiss – Faith Hill
Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz
Genie in a Bottle - Christina Aguilera
Mambo No. 5 – Lou Bega
Every Morning – Sugar Ray
Bills, Bills, Bills – Destiny’s Child
Higher – Creed
With Arms Wide Open – Creed
Swallowed – Bush
Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden
I Want You – Savage Garden
All Star – Smash Mouth
Loser - Beck
Just a Girl – No Doubt
Who Will Save Your Soul – Jewel
Linger – The Cranberries
Celebrity Skin – Hole
Hook – Blues Traveler
Tubthumping – Chumbawumba

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

Bad people weren’t always bad, and maybe they don’t want to be anymore.

This past Wednesday I got to hear a guy named Daniel Overton speak during our worship service. Daniel was on his way out of our church’s youth group when my wife and I moved back to town and began serving as youth advisers. Now he has grown into one of the best preachers I have access to hearing in person–a statement to which he responded, “Every time I come back here I have to go home and put my head in a vice to squeeze it back down to size.” That’s what happens when you’re good:  people tell you you’re good.

Daniel ended his time with the following story involving Dr. Tony Campolo. Dr. Campolo had a speaking engagement in Hawaii. Due to the time difference, he found himself awake at about 3:00 in the morning, so he found a diner that was open and went in for some coffee, and found himself among a group of prostitutes on break. This is where his story picks up:

I overheard the woman sitting beside me say, “Tomorrow’s my birthday. I’m going to be thirty-nine.”

Her friend responded in a nasty tone, “So what do you want from me? A birthday party? What do you want? Ya want me to get you a cake and sing ‘Happy Birthday?’”

“Come on!” said the woman sitting next to me. “Why do you have to be so mean? I was just telling you, that’s all. Why do you have to put me down? I was just telling you it was my birthday. I don’t want anything from you. I mean, why should you give me a birthday party? I’ve never had a birthday party in my whole life. Why should I have one now?”

When I heard that, I made a decision. I sat and waited until the women had left. Then I called over the fat guy behind the counter and I asked him, “Do they come in here every night?”

“Yeah!” he answered.

“The one right next to me, does she come here every night?”

“Yeah,” he said. “That’s Agnes. Yeah, she comes in here every night. Why d’ya wanta know?”

“Because I heard her say that tomorrow is her birthday,” I told him. “What do you say you and I do something about that? What do you think about us throwing a birthday party for her right here tomorrow night?”

A cute smile slowly crossed his chubby cheeks and he answered with measured delight, “That’s great!…”

“Look.” I told him, “if it’s OK with you, I’ll get back here tomorrow morning about 2:30 and decorate the place. I’ll even get a birthday cake!”

“No way,” said Harry (that was his name). “The birthday cake’s my thing. I’ll make the cake.”

At 2:30 the next morning, I was back at the diner. I had picked up some crepe-paper decorations at the store and had made a sign out of big pieces of cardboard that read, “Happy Birthday, Agnes!” I decorated the diner from one end to the other. I had that diner looking good.

The woman who did the cooking must have gotten the word out on the street, because by 3:15 every prostitute in Honolulu was in the place. It was wall-to-wall prostitutes…and me!

At 3:30 on the dot, the door of the diner swung open and in came Agnes and her friend. I had everybody ready (after all I was kind of the M.C. of the affair) and when they came in we all screamed, “Happy birthday!” Never have I seen a person so flabbergasted…so stunned…so shaken. Her mouth fell open. Her legs seemed to buckle a bit. Her friend grabbed her arm to steady her. As she was led to sit on one of the stools along the counter we all sang “Happy Birthday” to her. As we came to the end of our singing with “happy birthday dear Agnes, happy birthday to you,” her eyes moistened, when the birthday cake with all the candles on it was carried out, she lost it and just openly cried.

Harry gruffly mumbled, “Blow out the candles, Agnes! Come on! Blow out the candles! If you don’t blow out the candles, I’m gonna hafta blow out the candles.” And, after an endless few seconds, he did. Then he handed her a knife and told her, “Cut the cake, Agnes. Yo, Agnes, we all want some cake.”

Agnes looked down at the cake. Then without taking her eyes off it, she slowly and softly said, “Look Harry, is it all right with you if I… I mean is it OK if I kind of… what I want to ask you is…is it OK if keep the cake a little while? I mean is it all right if we don’t eat it right away?”

Harry shrugged and answered, “Sure! It’s O.K If you want to keep the cake, keep the cake. Take it home if you want to.”

“Can I,” she asked. Then looking at me she said, “I live just down the street a couple of doors. I want to take the cake home, OK? I’ll be right back. Honest!”

She got off the stool picked up the cake, and, carrying it like it was the Holy Grail walked slowly toward the door.

As we all just stood there motionless, she left. When the door closed there was a stunned silence in the place. Not knowing what else to do, I broke the silence by saying, “What do you say we pray?”

Looking back on it now it seems more than strange for a sociologist to be leading a prayer meeting with a bunch of prostitutes in a diner in Honolulu at 3:30 in the morning. But then it just felt like the right thing to do.

I prayed for Agnes. I prayed for her salvation. I prayed that her life would be changed and that God would be good to her. When I finished, Harry leaned over the counter and with a trace of hostility in his voice, he said “Hey! You never told me you were a preacher. What kind of church do you belong to?”

In one of those moments when just the right words came, I answered, “I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for whores at 3:30 in the morning.”

Harry waited a moment and then almost sneered as he answered, “No you don’t. There’s no church like that. If there was, I’d join it. I’d join a church like that!”

In looking for a written copy of this story, I found that  a ton of people have written about it. Fortunately, I’m not looking to be original–just informative. Dr. Campolo sets a great example for us by his actions and challenges us at the same time. He shows us exactly what kind of person would do something like this and makes clear the motivation that should be behind it.

The next Monday  morning at work, a lady and her daughter came in for something completely unrelated to our show, but when I walked out to tell them that someone would be with them shortly the lady said to me, “My daughter recognized you. Aren’t you the guy from that show Saturday night?” Before I could think of what I was about to say I said, “What were you doing there?” Probably not the best response. But when she asked me how much we raised and I told her around $1300, she asked me if that wasn’t a lot of work for $1300.

Answer: yes.

Isn’t that too much work?

Answer: no.

I feel like the show was a success. Everything I’ve heard has been pretty positive. Now that’s not to say it was flawless or that everything in it was even good, but, overall, people seemed to like it. This is where my pretentiousness begins to shine. This is where I blow up the importance of our variety show (the one I created no less). I hope you’re ready. Here it goes:

For about two hours–in one night–the people of Savannah got something they don’t get on a regular basis. We’re a very small town. We don’t have little theaters putting on shows four and five nights a week. Basically all we have is a few shows that organizations put on for charity, and that’s the only way to get people to come watch these shows–by attaching causes to them. But for this one night, the people of Savannah got to see (Steve Martin reference) creativity in action. Not everything we did was original. Most of the songs people played and sang were covers, but some were originals–songs you can’t hear anywhere else. Some of the routines that we performed were copies of things other people made up, but some were originals. Some were created by us and performed by us alone. And even if they weren’t well received, they were ours. This show provided a number of people a creative outlet. It gave us a place to experiment, to create, and to learn. Nowhere else in Savannah that night could you have heard the most amazing classical guitar in the area followed by a rocked out version of the theme from “Perfect Strangers,” followed by a song that discusses testosterone “shooting from my butt,” not to mention the other musical acts, dancers, comedy bits, short films and videos, and a live performance in 3-D.

Yes–it was a lot of work. At about 6:30 PM Saturday night I didn’t think the show was actually going happen. I was stressed. In fact, when Brandi from Danceforce asked me a question, my response was, “This is about the time every year when I quit giving a crap what happens, so you can do whatever you want to.” But then the show started and went pretty well. That particular show reminded me how much fun it was to be in front of people and at least be somewhat successful at keeping them entertained. It reminded me how intimidating (but enjoyable) public originality can be. We all put ourselves out there; some of it was well-received and some wasn’t. But we had a great time, and I think overall the audience did too. It was a lot of work for $1300, but not too much work for $1300 and the satisfaction of creating something that people enjoyed–something they had never seen before and something they could not have seen anywhere else.

1.  The patented Bob Shackelford route for getting to Lutts Cemetery without hitting one stoplight.

The route is as follows:  After pulling out of the funeral home parking lot, turn left on Cumberland Street. Take a right on Tennessee Street. Turn left and cut through the North Elementary parking lot. Turn right onto Alabama Street. Merge right on Hwy 64 West. Cut behind the BP Station using Blankenship Road. Turn left on Pinhook. Once on Pinhook, travel at no fewer than 65 miles per hour in your GMC box truck. At the end of Pinhook, turn left on Airport Road followed by a right on Hwy 203. Once on 203, travel at no fewer than 75 miles per hour in your GMC box truck until you reach Lutts Cemetery. That was the only time I can remember riding in the flower truck with him on a funeral.

2.  When removing an embalming solution injection device of any kind, cover the area with your hand because of the pressure that can build up.

He taught me this two ways: One by telling me and the other by allowing me to forget to do it the next time. In forgetting, I found myself shot straight in the eyeball with embalming solution. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. After many minutes of splashing water in my face, I realized exactly what I had done. I had ignored his instructions right in front of him. He had to be thinking how incompetent I was–how if I couldn’t do that one simple thing I would surely fail miserably at everything else I tried to do in funeral service. We stood silently for what seemed like hours. He didn’t even ask me if I was all right. When he finally spoke it began, “I remember the first time I did that to myself.” And I thought, “First time? He did this more than once?” Then I realized the wasn’t thinking any of those terrible things about me.

3. Marriage is never fair.

The night I asked Natalie to marry me we went from house to house telling the people we wanted to know first what had happened. At around 11:00 pm, we visited my grandparents. I thought they would surely be asleep. They weren’t, so we sat down and told them what we had done. Instead of joking about how terrible marriage was or telling us we were too young, they told us stories about their own early marriage and how much fun it was even though they had no money and my grandfather was still in school and then in the Army. Then my grandfather took the time to tell us that marriage is never fifty-fifty. Someone is always giving more, and someone is always taking more–it just depends on the day’s events. If we expected a fifty-fifty marriage, we would be disappointed, but if we went in knowing that it wasn’t always going to be fair (and that that doesn’t mean your marriage is failing) we would make it through difficulties and enjoy our time together. So far, he’s right.

Next are the things he taught my by example or untintentionally.

1.  If you smile just right before or after, you can say almost anything to anyone and get away with it.

One of our office secretaries came in with a new haircut. He walked in, looked at her, smiled and said, “Well, what do you call that?” She didn’t get mad. And she gets mad at everybody.

2. Always spend money on your wife.

He was the master, and I feel like I’m learning this pretty well. The way to most effectively do this is to not spend money on yourself. If he ever had anything nice, you could bet my grandmother made him get it. I was going to wear one of his ties to the funeral. I couldn’t because every one that I found was torn, frayed, or ruined some other way because he just didn’t buy new things for himself.

3.  He taught me the importance of involvement.

Here I referenced the obituary we had all heard, referring to it as “The Impossible Challenge” he left all of us. I won’t try to cover it here. If you would like to read it go here and read it.

4. The last lesson he ever taught me came the day after he died.

While reading our online guestbook on the funeral home website, one word kept cropping up, and it was always some form of the word kind.  People kept writing of the kindness he and my grandmother had shown them or that he was the kindest man they had ever met. I didn’t even take into account the number of times words like Christian, good, compassionate, caring, helpful appeared. The last lesson he ever taught me was how to treat people, and it’s simple: Treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s one of the most basic Christian teachings but sometimes one of the most difficult, but he did it regularly. He lived our kindness.

Please understand that I am not completely putting all of these things down; I know they have some redeeming qualities. For instance, when Dane Cook steals jokes, sometimes he steals them from really funny people. While all of these questions do not address things that are inherently bad (Jim Carey was great in Dumd and Dumber), they do make you wonder why comedy is so easy. How come production companies can crank these things out in no time, one after another, and people keep paying to see them? I think we as people like familiarity. We love romantic comedies because we know the formula precisely. We like movies starring Sean William Scott because we know exactly what to expect from Sean William Scott. And it’s fine. It’s entertainment. But what about when we want more than entertainment? When we need originality? Creativity? I want to suggest that in reality–in the artistic world–comedy is not easy but difficult and serious business.

The problem with my desire is that I can’t actually put my reasoning into words. If you want to read up on comedy theory (and I know everyone does) read up on Del Close. What I’m going to–now that I’ve given examples of expected, strictly entertaining comedy–is give some examples of hard work, extreme preparation, and mental diligence in comedy.

Steve Martin

First, if you haven’t read Born Standing Up, and you are interested in what I’m talking about, you should read it. I am going to relay one example though. Steve Marin recalls watching a comedian on The Tonight Show, and, as he watched, he noticed something interesting:  this particular comedian would pat his stomach at the punchline of every joke, and Steve Martin would laugh. After he noticed this pattern, Martin began to listen very closely to the jokes. He realized that they weren’t even that funny, and in some instances the punchlines didn’t make sense. But the crow kept laughing. Later, Steve Martin decided that he didn’t want punchlines. He wanted the crowd’s reaction to be genuine, not laughing because they were supposed to but because they had to.

Steve Martin came along in the era of smart comics. Robert Klein, George Carlin, and the like ran comedy in those days with observations on politics, religion, and differences in people. Steve Martin decided he would give the audience stupidity. And that’s what he did. Example: “When someone looks and me and says, ‘Hey mind if I smoke?’ I always say, ‘No. Mind if I fart? It’s one of my habits.’” However, there’s more to his act than acting stupid. He performed with a well-planned, calculated idiocy. He would change a joke dozens of times until it was perfect. Also, during his routines, Martin was constantly thinking ahead. Based on audience reactions to previous jokes, he would decide (while in the middle of his current joke) whether or not to do what he had planned next or skip to something else that the crowd might respond to a little better. Just listen to Wild and Crazy Guy or Let’s Get Small with that in mind, and it will amaze you.

Woody Allen

I don’t care if you’ve seen his movies or not–if you love them or hate them–Woody Allen’s stand-up is some of the best you’ll ever hear. Like Steve Martin, Woody Allen relies on absurdity for his laughs. Also like Steve Martin, Woody Allen has an unwarranted arrogance about himself in his act. But unlike Steve Martin, Woody Allen does not present quick-hit, fast-paced jokes one after another. No, Woody Allen relies on elaborate, totally fictional stories to get laughs. He has one in which he is accidentally hypnotized and believes he is a fire engine, one where he ends up going to a Klan rally thinking it’s a Halloween costume party, one involving a live moose strapped to the hood of his car, one involving a time when he lived with the Ex-patriots in Europe and being punched in the mouth multiple by Ernest Hemingway, and too many more for me to go on. The thing about Woody Allen is that he presents his stories, as ridiculous as they may be, as pure, unquestionable fact.

When you listen to Woody Allen, imagine the time it took him not only to invent these stories but to know them well enough to offer them as they really happened to him. Here’s a good example:

These guys are just a couple of examples, but to me they are the best examples of the serious attitude needed to be a great comedian. People can always get laughs by shocking people with filth, falling down, making funny faces, and that has its place I guess. But these two are perfect examples of how to build a comic legacy. Woody Allen performed his stand-up in the mid 1960s, and I have yet to find anyone who is as funny throughout as he was. Steve Martin practically created a kind of entertainment that no one has successfully recreated. That’s not just entertainment. That’s art. And that’s not easy.

1)  Military Action

Why bring this up? Let’s use abortion as a jumping off point. If we are worried about human life, can we really justify things like preemptive strikes or even “spreading democracy”? Christians have to remember that human life includes all life not just American life.

2)  Poverty

Jesus didn’t seem to be speaking figuratively when dealing with “the least of these” in Matthew, but for a lot of my life that’s how I viewed it. Looking back now, I don’t know why. Jesus focused on the poor, forgotten people and then told us to be like him. Whether we like it or not, those of us who have what we need have a moral responsibility to take care of those who don’t have, and, if we don’t, someone (probably the government) will have to pick up our slack. So before we complain about the government giving “my money” to “those people” we have to make sure we are really doing what we are able to do.

3)  Torture

This topic came up during a college-age class I taught this summer. When it did, I first responded, “I don’t want to get into political issues.” I immediately retracted this statement because it occurred to me that I was letting politics control at least a part of my morals. I can’t do that. We can’t do that. To reference number one: if we are going to fight for human life it must be for all human life including the lives of our enemies (the ones we are commanded to love).

4) Capital Punishment

By now most of the people I know who might read this probably think I’ve turned into some kind of hippie. (In a small southern town these are questions you don’t ask publicly. These questions are supposed to come out of hipsters wearing Bob Marley t-shirts and not people who wear suits to work every day.) I’m not, but again the question of human life comes to mind. Even if you can point to scripture and prove that putting criminals to death is legally and morally okay, should Christians want someone to die? Should we call for the death of a lost person? Or should we hope that person lives so that someone may have a chance to show Christ and change his or her eternal status? Just because something is permissible, does that make it desirable?

A major part of Christianity is treating people like Jesus treated people–or as if they are Jesus. Again I bring up the passage in Matthew and “the least of these.” As we respond to them so do we respond to Jesus. He said that himself. I am trying to grasp this whole thing, and, after twenty-some-odd years of not even attempting to, the muscles have atrophied. My grip is weak–almost nonexistent–but it’s getting a tiny bit stronger every day, and the first step was being honest with myself and admitting that the things I listed (as well as many others) must at least be questioned, contemplated and viewed through Jesus-colored lenses. For too long I viewed these through the wrong lenses–my own or my country’s. The truth is these aren’t metaphors. They are opportunities for us to stand for Christ.

So this is how we should view people.

When we focus on others and not ourselves in the name of Jesus, he is with us.

A Day in the Life

Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End

You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

Blackbird

Eleanor Rigby

For No One

In My Life

Helter Skelter

Here Comes the Sun

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Honorable mentions include The Things We Said Today, If I fell, Happiness is a Warm Gun, Cry Baby Cry, Across the Universe, Yesterday, Mother Nature’s Son, Dear Prudence, Norwegian Wood, The Long and Winding Road, Let it Be, Yer Blues, Strawberry Fields, Hard Day’s Night, She’s Leaving Home, Something, And I Love Her, etc. I think this proves I can’t narrow it down like I thought.

If there are any glaring flaws, please let me know.